Parenting

The Changing Role Of The Father

June 19, 2020

Today’s father comes in many forms. Gone are the binary roles of male breadwinner and female homemaker. The father who spends the majority of time at work and sees their…

How To Be The Mother You Would Have Liked Your Mother To Be

June 5, 2019

Bridget Freer

Parenting, Children and Adolescents, Family, Relationships

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June is Children’s Awareness Month, so it feels like a good time to think about motherhood and how to be the mother you most want to be to your children.…

How To Support A Young Person With A Mental Health Issue

May 21, 2019

Karen Dempsey

Mental Health, Children and Adolescents, Family, Parenting

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Mental health issues among young people are on the rise. There is thankfully more awareness of mental health generally – and young people are encouraged to speak out rather than…

Our New Baby Means We Have No Time To Be A Couple

February 18, 2019

Michaela McCarthy

Ask Michaela, Couples, Family, Parenting, Relationships

Parenting, New Baby

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My partner and I really struggle to find time for our relationship. We have a baby and a toddler that keep us very busy. The baby is still waking every…

My Partner Suddenly Announced He Doesn’t Want Kids

February 6, 2019

Michaela McCarthy

Ask Michaela, Couples, Parenting, Relationships

Children, Parenting

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I am 37 and have been with my boyfriend for six years. Since we first met we have talked about the fact that we both want children, we’ve even discussed…

How to Deal With Empty Nest Syndrome

September 11, 2018

Karen Dempsey

Mental Health, Empty Nest Syndrome, Family, Parenting, Personal Development

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It’s the time of year that many parents and carers have been preparing for: the moment when their youngest offspring (or only child) heads off to university or college. So…

What To Do If You Have The Baby Blues Or Postnatal Depression

March 9, 2018

Bridget Freer

Postnatal Depression, Counselling, Family, Parenting, Psychotherapy

No Comments

Mothering Sunday is a day to celebrate mums. But what if you are a new mum and celebrating is the last thing you feel like doing? Around half of all…

How To Manage Conflict In Family Relationships

October 20, 2017

Karen Dempsey

Family, Children and Adolescents, Mental Health, Parenting, Relationships

Conflict

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Family feuds can simmer for years, becoming ever more bitter as time passes. What may have started as a small slight can escalate over time to create a deep divide…

Baby Loss Awareness Week exists to help grow awareness and support for people who’ve lost a baby, as well as allowing grieving parents across the globe to commemorate their babies whose lives were heartbreakingly short. Many people who’ve lost a baby say they never truly get over it. Ever. A part of them will remain forever empty. Even future babies, if they come along, will never fill that gap. The loss of a baby can be devastating, whatever stage of pregnancy the couple are at – whether it’s a miscarriage (before 24 weeks), a stillbirth (after 24 weeks) or losing the baby during or after birth. Losing a baby at any stage is shocking and traumatic for the parents. A multitude of painful feelings can crowd in. Life may feel thin, sad, empty, pointless. If you know someone who’s lost a baby, it can be difficult to know what to do for the best. Nothing can take away their pain, though it might help you to understand the kind of things your friend or loved one is going through. What it’s like to live with baby loss • The parents have lost a person they thought they would spend the rest of their lives with. Not only have they lost a baby, they’ve lost the hopes and dreams of a cherished future. • It’s a bereavement that can feel just as raw as if the baby had grown up and lived a longer life. • There often isn’t much after-care in hospital, following the loss of a baby, and so the parents may be feeling abandoned and all at sea. • Some of the clinical terms used when a mother miscarries can be quite upsetting. These terms can feel depersonalising and hurtful, even though it’s just medical professionals doing their job. • Losing a baby can leave a mother feeling like a failure, as if she’s done something wrong. These feelings of guilt and self-doubt can sometimes develop into depression. • Grieving parents can feel very, very alone in their loss. No one truly understands the pain they’re going through. • They don’t want to take care of your reaction when they tell you what’s happened. Sometimes people can get so upset about the news that the bereaved parents end up taking care of the feelings of others. It’s not meant to work that way. • It can become unbearable to see other people pregnant or with babies – especially people close to them. What’s worse is people not telling them they’re pregnant, for fear of upsetting them. • The loss can sometimes affect the parents’ relationship as the partners struggle to come to terms with the loss individually and together. • Months and sometimes years down the line, they may still be mourning the baby they lost. How you can support someone through baby loss Acknowledge their loss. This is one of the toughest things for grieving parents: when people around them don’t know what to say, and so act as though nothing has happened. They want their loss to be acknowledged. Don’t let your awkwardness get in the way of that. Avoid clichés. Don’t just trot out the typical things people might say that they think will make the bereaved parents feel better – like, “oh, your baby is too good for earth and has gone to heaven,” or “well, you’ll be able to have another one soon”. That kind of phrase really doesn’t help. They want a human being in front of them who cares and who really doesn’t need to say anything – just be there. Let them talk. Losing a baby can be a lonely time. Your loved one may feel as though no one understands. Even if you don’t truly understand (and you won’t unless you’ve been through it yourself) be there with a sympathetic and caring ear. Keep your own emotions in check. They’re the ones suffering, not you. Don’t break down and make them the ones to look after you. They need your support. You can show your sadness. Of course. But you may need to be the strong one while they’re feeling vulnerable. Be sensitive to when they might need an ally. It can be hard to be around other people with babies and bumps when you’ve lost a baby. Tears can threaten at any point. Keep an eye out for when your loved one might need you to cover for them in a social gathering. Help create a socially acceptable excuse when they need a moment by themselves. Urge them to stay off social media. Facebook, Instagram etc – by their nature – showcase shiny happy people doing shiny happy things. Life events such as pregnancy and babies are often catalogued in minute detail. Especially in the early stages, it may feel healthier and safer for your friend or loved one who’s lost a baby to give social media a miss. Until they feel strong enough to engage again without breaking down. Keep an eye on their mental health. Painful emotions do pass, generally. Sometimes they don’t, especially if there are some underlying issues from earlier in life. A new loss can tap into earlier losses, with compound effect. If your friend of loved one is showing signs of tipping into depression then you may want to suggest they see a therapist who can support them through the darkness – until they’re ready to walk into the light again. For confidential support from one of our therapists, you can book an appointment by emailing appointments@theawarenesscentre.com or calling 020 8673 4545.

How To Support Someone Who’s Lost A Baby

October 9, 2017

Karen Dempsey

Pregnancy, Counselling, Family, Mental Health, Parenting

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Baby Loss Awareness Week exists to help grow awareness and support for people who’ve lost a baby, as well as allowing grieving parents across the globe to commemorate their babies…

How To Cope When Your Child Becomes A Teenager

July 21, 2017

Karen Dempsey

Children and Adolescents, Family, Parenting, Relationships

Teenagers

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“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” E.E. Cummings Any life transition brings its own challenges and joys, and when your child becomes a teenager…