January is a time for making resolutions and planning the year ahead. So if you haven’t set any goals for 2017 yet, grab the last few weeks of this month to plan some objectives which will build self-esteem and lift your mood.
Recent psychological research shows that setting goals builds self-esteem. The benefits of higher self-esteem are long established — when our self-regard is higher, we are less vulnerable to anxiety and depression. We are also more resilient: brain-scan studies demonstrate that when self-esteem is higher, common emotional wounds, such failure or rejection, are received as being less painful and can be moved on from more quickly and effectively.
Having a goal works as a signpost; it gives you a direction and a reason to be motivated, which can prevent you from feeling lost and at a loss. So goal-setting is a good way of achieving what you want in life, and if you choose goals following a clear strategy it can help you build feelings of self-worth and begin to treat any depression you might be experiencing.
Pick FIVE goals to work towards during the year. If you select your five carefully, including one of each type below, you can ensure that your goals will have improved your self-image and boosted your self-confidence by the year’s end.
A goal that complements your skills
Self-esteem is built by being able to show real ability, skill and achievement, and if you are doing it in an area of your life that really matters to you it will have even more resonance. Work out what your careers advisor would call your core competencies, and set a goal that will play into one of these. So if you’ve always loved cooking resolve to throw more dinner parties. Or if you not only don’t collapse in a heap, but secretly enjoy running for the bus sign up for some local races and get into training.
A healthy dose of positivity
Avoiding setting negative goals such as “I won’t stress out so much” or “I won’t get so angry all the time” because this way round every time you do feel anxious or lose your temper it will reinforce your feelings of failure and low-self-esteem. The “I will not” goal feeds into the negative internal dialogue that people with low-self esteem so often have. Instead plan a more specific and positive goal “I will take be kinder to all my relatives” or “I will negotiate that raise/promotion with my boss”. This way even if you do encounter failure you will be able to feel better about yourself because you are taking an active, engaged role and becoming absorbed in your own life which means there will be less time for that negative internal dialogue to take hold.
A daily pledge
As with physical exercise, repetition builds strength. If your self-esteem is low, it will not be boosted with a big long-term aim such as getting healthy by quitting smoking, giving up drinking, losing two stone and running a three-minute mile all in one go. By setting such a goal you are over-extending, and dooming yourself to failure. It is far, far better to start with a short walk every evening. Pick one small goal to do every day that will prove your resolve and build lasting confidence in your abilities. This could, for example, be: making one dish rather than buying everything ready-made; smiling at a stranger on your journey to work; walking the stairs rather than taking the escalator; keeping a diary or writing a list; or learning a new word in French a day.
An achievable first step
Our most-treasured goals can seem too big, too daunting to even think about let alone put on a wish-list. So if your real aim seems so huge you won’t even try, think about how to flip your goal on its head and establish what you need to do to get a step closer to it. So, for example, if you want to stop renting and own your own home, but you have debts or an overdraught, this goal at a glance can feel impossible, but if you assess exactly how much you need to put by every month to begin working towards saving a deposit and vow to start saving that amount, then you can change that picture. And it begins to look and feel like something you can actually do.
Concrete aims
Most of us have goals such as wanting to ‘be happier’ or ‘becoming a better person’. We know what we mean, but to others this can mean a thousand different things or seem horribly vague. You need a clearly defined objective. To do this spend some time thinking about the happier/better person you would like to be and work out what specifically you would like to change to get there. If the ‘better’ to you is more admired for your intellect start researching college courses that will give you that sense of academic achievement. If you want to feel more fulfilled, start doing some charity work. If you want to be more liked, pledge to call a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while and rebuild your relationship.
If you feel you would like to work on your self-esteem issues, or need some help or direction with setting goals, we have a team of counsellors who will be able to help. Call 020 8673 4545 or email [email protected] for a confidential appointment.
