THERAPY SERVICESTRAINING SCHOOL
LOCATIONS
TOOTINGCLAPHAMMARYLEBONE
CALL 020 8673 4545BOOK AN APPOINTMENT
Product has been added to your basket.
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • THE AWARENESS CENTRE
      • About The Awareness Centre
      • The Team
      • Centre News
      • Media
      • Collaborative Partners & External Agencies
    • OUR PRACTICES
      • TAC Clapham
      • TAC Tooting
      • TAC Marylebone
      • How to Find Us
    • THE DIRECTOR
      • Michaela McCarthy
  • THERAPY SERVICES
    • NHS THERAPY SERVICES
      • NHS Lambeth
      • NHS Wandsworth
      • NHS Sutton
      • Our NHS Therapists
      • NHS Multilingual Counselling
    • PRIVATE THERAPY SERVICES
      • Online Counselling & Telephone Therapy
      • Low Cost Counselling, Psychotherapy & Counselling Psychology
      • Counselling
      • Psychotherapy
      • Psychology
      • Our Low Cost Therapists
      • Our Private Therapists
      • Private Healthcare Providers
    • SPECIALIST THERAPY SERVICES
      • Addiction Counselling
      • Anger Management Therapy
      • Bereavement Counselling
      • Child & Adolescent Counselling
      • Couples Counselling
      • Eating Disorders Therapy
      • Family Therapy
      • LGBTQ+ Counselling
      • Multilingual Counselling
      • Sex & Relationship Therapy
      • Trauma Counselling & Psychotherapy
    • FURTHER INFORMATION
      • Types of Issues
        • Abuse
        • Addiction
        • ADHD
        • Anger
        • Anxiety Disorders
        • Asperger’s Syndrome
        • Attachment Disorder
        • Bereavement and Loss
        • Body Dysmorphic Disorder
        • Bullying
        • Cancer
        • Carer Support
        • Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
        • Communication
        • Dementia
        • Depression
        • Disability
        • Dissociation
        • Eating Disorders
        • Family and Relationships
        • Gender & Identity
        • Guilt and Shame
        • Hearing Voices
        • HIV/AIDS
        • Illness
        • Infertility
        • Isolation & Loneliness
        • Learning Difficulties
        • Life Transitions
        • Low Self-Esteem
        • Mental Health
        • Paranoia
        • Passive Aggressive Behaviour
        • Personality Disorders
        • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
        • Pregnancy & Childbirth
        • Psychosis
        • Rape
        • Redundancy
        • Schizophrenia
        • Self-Harm
        • Sex and Relationships
        • Sexuality
        • Spirituality
        • Stress
        • Suicidal Thoughts
        • Tourette’s Syndrome
        • Trauma (Child & Adult)
        • Trichotillomania
        • Workplace Issues
      • Frequently Asked Questions
      • Resources
      • Approaches to Therapy
      • Client Testimonials
      • Book an Appointment
  • FEES
  • TAC TRAINING SCHOOL
    • Meet the Faculty
    • Foundation Certificate in Counselling
    • Diploma in Integrative Counselling
    • Diploma in Clinical Supervision
    • Diploma in Working with Couples
    • Diploma in Executive Coaching
    • Corporate Mental Health Workshops
    • Testimonials for the Foundation Certificate
    • Testimonials for the Diplomas
  • PRIVATE PRACTICE
    • Private Practice
    • Hire A Room
    • Wimpole Street Practice
    • Join TAC Directory
    • Therapist Testimonials
  • BLOG
  • WORK AT TAC
  • COUNSELLING PLACEMENT
    • Counselling Placement
    • Counselling Placement Testimonials
    • Placement Training Testimonials
  • CONTACT
    • Appointment Request
    • Contact Us
Mum, Her Mental Health And Me

Mum, Her Mental Health And Me

Growing up with a mentally ill mum has had its challenges. 

From first memories of not being able to reach her through the bars of my cot to the fantastic conversations we have today, my Mum has been the source of fantastic comedy anecdotes, excruciating embarrassment and concerned confusion for my whole life.  It’s all very different now as we have a transformed relationship all thanks to a life-changing conversation for both of us that happened just after she was sectioned. 

Mum was finally diagnosed with multiple mental health problems at 80 years old and her professional care and support all happened very quickly once the mental health team kicked in.  They’d had her on their radar for years, but she wasn’t having any of it.  All she was having was whiskey, too many sleeping pills at all hours of the day and a hotline to the local police who, in turn, called me at all hours of the day and night.

Humour has always been my coping strategy; turning mum’s antics into stories to make people laugh. 

Up until 8 years ago my beloved Mum was out of control and I was constantly charging down from London to Littlehampton to sort out her messy life.  One minute it was her doctor’s exasperated call to see if I could convince Mum to stop turning up and harassing the poor reception staff.  The next it was the local PCSO telling me that they’d deposited Mum back home to sleep it off.  Then there were the neighbours concerned by her carpet-covered garden, complaints about notes and toothpaste left on their cars and her string of twenty of thirty answer phone messages getting more and more incoherent as the drink kicked in.  But then I also had the postman delivering her purse with her last £3.84 in it because she’d heard I was struggling a bit with cash (and her pension arrived next Monday anyway).  Or she’d save for months to buy me a ring that she told me was worthless, but might look nice for a night out.  I discovered recently that it was an incredibly expensive antique that would have cost her a huge amount – no wonder she was out working all hours when she could.  

As a child it was a very confusing world. 

Mum would turn up at school with bowls of porridge I hadn’t eaten and order me in front of my class to eat it before coming home.  She’d borrow people’s dogs in the park, call everyone by names that weren’t theirs, march me up to brides to have me in their wedding photo, gate-crash parties in various wigs and once threw her handbag into the orchestral pit mid-ballet to get my dad’s attention when she didn’t like the sound of the babysitter he’d got in after they divorced.  Fun and games. I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me, I wanted them to laugh and find it all hilarious – now, where have you heard that before?

Love and acceptance are two of my favourite words. 

I’ve always loved Mum and she’s always loved me, although there have been times when it hasn’t felt like it.  These days I love everything about her and have re-remembered the bad times by pointing the lens of a loving mother on the peculiar events that would have the authorities up in arms if they happened today.  Mum simply got things a bit wrong – actually, a lot wrong – but it wasn’t her fault.  She came from a lost generation of mothers in the 60s and 70s who were cast aside as “nuts”, ignored and left to get on with it.  My long-suffering Dad tried hard to get her support and help, but back then it was impossible for anyone else to get involved unless she sought the help herself and she was never going to do that as she didn’t really understand that she was ill. 

Shall I tell you what happened on the day she was sectioned?

Mum had seen a group of teenage boys hanging around the park, had taken out her old tin gun (from a friend who fought in the first world war) and brandished it at them, telling them to go out and get jobs or go back home to their mothers.  They weren’t taking that advice seriously, so started heckling her as she wandered off, ranting and raving towards the off license.  A neighbour watched it all and phoned the police when the group started following her down the woodland path. 

It was the day I’d been dreading my whole life as I’d been saying to her “Look, if you don’t stop all this, I won’t always be around to take care of things, you’ll end up sectioned, locked up and end your days surrounded by crazy people!”.  She was locked up (all night in a police cell for her own safety), she was sectioned so that the mental health team could assess her and now she is in a secure care home.  But, it was the best thing that could have happened for her – I tried, but had the same problem as my Dad all those years ago.  My rescuing her all the time only prevented the professionals doing that right thing for her, so had I been doing it wrong all those years?

She’s a wonderful woman and I wouldn’t change her for the world. 

Without Mum I wouldn’t be as brave as I am and it’s thanks to Mum that I am pretty fearless – after all, nothing is ever going to be as embarrassing or tricky as some of the situations I found myself in thanks to her.  For example, if I wanted flowers to take to an old lady in hospital, Mum would march up to the nearest pretty garden and demand they pick us a bunch of flowers from their prize blooms, saying that it was me who wanted them (I did want flowers, but I wanted to BUY them!). 

We were on a day out in town and when my brother and I said we were thirsty.  Did we get a can of pop from the café?  No, we were marched into the De Vere Hotel on the pretext that we were fascinated by what a posh hotel looked like inside (we weren’t by the way).  The waiter then went off and returned with a silver tray, cut glass ice bucket, posh glasses, silver tongs, and slices of lemon – the lot.  Oh, the embarrassment of it – in main reception!  But looking back now, I’d shake that waiter’s hand.  He wasn’t belittling us, was he?  He was creating an event that we’d never forget and getting us the best he could for no money.

Everything she did was with love at its heart – even dumping me on unsuspecting families for weeks on end and putting me in the back of strangers’ cars with instructions to drive me home were done because she thought other people would have more to offer than she did.

Our transformational conversion? 

Once she was settled in her psychiatric ward I sat her down and asked her to concentrate for a few minutes when I explained to her that I’d finally understood the extent of her illnesses and that I was so grateful and proud of her for what she’d done as a mother, despite everything.  I told her I loved her and asked her to acknowledge that she’d heard me and understood what I was telling her.  She took my face in her gentle hands and said, “Thank you darling, I know now, thank you”.  Then she was off, berating the nurses for having apricot jam rather than strawberry and chasing a cat in the garden. 

From that moment any angst, negative memories or feelings of resentment disappeared.  I’ve since learned more about her bi-polar, frontal lobe abnormality, early dementia, anxiety, borderline personality disorder and depression and have come to the conclusion that Mum and her behaviour are two very separate things.  I can love her 100% – and it’s fine to hate some of her behaviour as that’s not who she is, it’s just behaviour.  I could choose to let it be my excuse for my own insecurities growing up or I could see it for what it is.  I probably still have a few niggles and old coping strategies that need straightening out, but they’re disappearing.

Sonia’s Mum

When I started posting little snippets on Facebook I was getting that fantastic hit of affirmation with all the likes and comments.  Mum was becoming a bit of an icon.  Then people suggested I start a blog.  A blog?  Really?  Who would read it apart from a few friends and people who’ve met her?  It started small, but then people started following and sharing the stories saying that they were a mix of funny and poignant, but most importantly a source of strength for people who’ve had mentally ill parents or family members.  I was amazed by how popular soniasmum.com became, so I released a new blog post every week.

What I’m finding incredible is how people are sharing their own stories after reading the stories on the blog.  I had a lady tell me about her resentment towards her tricky mum and that they hadn’t spoken in ten years.  She heard me speaking on the Jeremy Vine show on Radio 2 and wondered if her own mum’s crazy behaviour was in fact mental illness and not sheer bloody mindedness.  She got her dad to arrange a meeting, they had a very similar conversation to mine and her mum told her that she’d been terrified of revealing her mental state to anyone, including her own family, for fear of being locked up or having her children taken away.  They have all arranged to see each other every month and are patching up their memories.  Isn’t that wonderful?

I’d love to hear what you think of the blog and if you had any of your own stories to share. I believe that there a lot of us out there with mums who may have had similar problems in the 60s, 70s and even the 80s when mental illness wasn’t discussed as openly and honestly as it is today.  If only The Awareness Centre had been around for my mum all those years ago, things may have been very different for her – who knows?

Sonia Beldom
Sonia Beldom

Sonia Beldom is a media skills trainer and TV casting director. In her spare time she writes, plays piano in a jazz trio and drives a classic 1950s red routemaster bus  – all thanks to her mum’s great attitude of doing the things you love now, not tomorrow.

Sonia’s background is in TV ideas creation and celebrity casting – with credits including “An Idiot Abroad”, Victoria Wood’s “Victoria’s Empire”, “Celebrity Eggheads”  and “Elizabeth Taylor: Auction of a Lifetime”.  

Sonia started blogging about her mum in Autumn 2017 after constant nagging from friends to expand her Facebook posts.  Jeremy Vine read the blogs, invited her onto his radio show and the blog’s following is growing by the day. www.soniasmum.com

 

Sonia Beldom
What To Do If You Are Struggling Post-Abortion
Are you a Perfectionist?

Related Posts

Coronavirus: Looking After Your children's Mental Wellbeing

Coronavirus: Looking After Your Children’s Mental Wellbeing

Being In Therapy: The Power Of Telling Your Story

Being In Therapy: The Power Of Telling Your Story

How To Build Your Self-Esteem

How To Build Your Self-Esteem

The Changing Role Of The Father

The Changing Role Of The Father

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill out this field
Fill out this field
Please enter a valid email address.

Subscribe to our newsletter



    Please add me to the list

    Categories

    • Abortion
    • Abuse
    • Acute Stress Disorder
    • Addiction
    • ADHD
    • Agoraphobia
    • Alcoholism
    • Anger Management
    • Anxiety
    • Ask Michaela
    • Attachment
    • Bereavement & Loss
    • Bipolar
    • Borderline Personality Disorder
    • Bullying
    • Children and Adolescents
    • Co-Dependency
    • Coaching
    • Coronavirus
    • Counselling
    • Counselling Placements
    • Couples
    • Dementia
    • Depression
    • Divorce
    • Domestic Violence
    • Dreams
    • Eating Disorders
    • Echoism
    • Ecopsychology
    • Empty Nest Syndrome
    • Family
    • Guilt
    • Health
    • Imposter Syndrome
    • Infertility
    • Insomnia
    • LGBTQ
    • Life Stories
    • Loneliness
    • Masochism
    • Meditation
    • Menopause
    • Mental Health
    • Mindfulness
    • Narcissism
    • News
    • OCD
    • Panic Attacks
    • Parenting
    • Personal Development
    • Personality Disorders
    • Porn
    • Postnatal Depression
    • Pregnancy
    • Psychology
    • Psychosexual
    • Psychotherapy
    • PTSD
    • Relationships
    • Sadness
    • Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
    • Self Esteem
    • Self-Care
    • Self-Harm
    • Sex
    • Sexual Harassment
    • Sleep
    • Social Anxiety Disorder
    • Stress
    • Suicide
    • The Awareness Centre
    • Therapy
    • Training School
    • Trauma
    • Uncategorized
    • Workplace Issues

    TAC Brochure

    DOWNLOAD

    TAC has BACP Membership

    TAC Clapham

    41 Abbeville Road
    London SW4 9JX
    [email protected]
    020 8673 4545

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Low Cost Therapy
    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Monday – Thursday:
    7.00am – 10.00pm

    Friday:
    7.00am – 9.00pm

    Saturday:
    9.00am – 5.30pm

    Sunday:
    10.00am – 2.00pm

    TAC Tooting

    74-80 Upper Tooting Road
    London SW17 7PB
    [email protected]
    020 8673 4545

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Monday – Thursday:
    7.00am – 10.00pm

    Friday:
    7.00am – 9.00pm

    Saturday:
    9.00am – 5.30pm

    TAC Marylebone

    85 Wimpole Street
    London W1G 9RJ
    [email protected]
    020 8079 0708

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Tuesday and Thursday:
    8.00am – 12.00pm

    Email
    Facebook
    Twitter
    LinkedIn
    YouTube
    Instagram
    Pinterest

    © 2023 The Awareness Centre Ltd.

    • OUR THERAPISTS
    • TYPES OF ISSUES
    • OUR LANGUAGES
    • FAQS
    • HOW TO FIND US

    The Awareness Centre Limited. A company registered in England and Wales, Number: 06194423. Registered Office: 74-80 Upper Tooting Road, London, England, SW17 7PB.  Trading as The Awareness Centre.

    This site uses cookies and data collection for personalised advertising. Your data may be shared with third parties for this purpose. Learn more about how we collect data and use cookies, and check that you consent. Manage PreferencesI Consent Learn more
    Privacy & Cookies Policy

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
    Non-necessary
    Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
    SAVE & ACCEPT