THERAPY SERVICESTRAINING SCHOOL
LOCATIONS
TOOTINGCLAPHAMMARYLEBONE
CALL 020 8673 4545BOOK AN APPOINTMENT
Product has been added to your basket.
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • THE AWARENESS CENTRE
      • About The Awareness Centre
      • The Team
      • Centre News
      • Media
      • Collaborative Partners & External Agencies
    • OUR PRACTICES
      • TAC Clapham
      • TAC Tooting
      • TAC Marylebone
      • How to Find Us
    • THE DIRECTOR
      • Michaela McCarthy
  • THERAPY SERVICES
    • NHS THERAPY SERVICES
      • NHS Lambeth
      • NHS Wandsworth
      • NHS Sutton
      • Our NHS Therapists
      • NHS Multilingual Counselling
    • PRIVATE THERAPY SERVICES
      • Online Counselling & Telephone Therapy
      • Low Cost Counselling, Psychotherapy & Counselling Psychology
      • Counselling
      • Psychotherapy
      • Psychology
      • Our Low Cost Therapists
      • Our Private Therapists
      • Private Healthcare Providers
    • SPECIALIST THERAPY SERVICES
      • Addiction Counselling
      • Anger Management Therapy
      • Bereavement Counselling
      • Child & Adolescent Counselling
      • Couples Counselling
      • Eating Disorders Therapy
      • Family Therapy
      • LGBTQ+ Counselling
      • Multilingual Counselling
      • Sex & Relationship Therapy
      • Trauma Counselling & Psychotherapy
    • FURTHER INFORMATION
      • Types of Issues
        • Abuse
        • Addiction
        • ADHD
        • Anger
        • Anxiety Disorders
        • Asperger’s Syndrome
        • Attachment Disorder
        • Bereavement and Loss
        • Body Dysmorphic Disorder
        • Bullying
        • Cancer
        • Carer Support
        • Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
        • Communication
        • Dementia
        • Depression
        • Disability
        • Dissociation
        • Eating Disorders
        • Family and Relationships
        • Gender & Identity
        • Guilt and Shame
        • Hearing Voices
        • HIV/AIDS
        • Illness
        • Infertility
        • Isolation & Loneliness
        • Learning Difficulties
        • Life Transitions
        • Low Self-Esteem
        • Mental Health
        • Paranoia
        • Passive Aggressive Behaviour
        • Personality Disorders
        • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
        • Pregnancy & Childbirth
        • Psychosis
        • Rape
        • Redundancy
        • Schizophrenia
        • Self-Harm
        • Sex and Relationships
        • Sexuality
        • Spirituality
        • Stress
        • Suicidal Thoughts
        • Tourette’s Syndrome
        • Trauma (Child & Adult)
        • Trichotillomania
        • Workplace Issues
      • Frequently Asked Questions
      • Resources
      • Approaches to Therapy
      • Client Testimonials
      • Book an Appointment
  • FEES
  • TAC TRAINING SCHOOL
    • Meet the Faculty
    • Foundation Certificate in Counselling
    • Diploma in Integrative Counselling
    • Diploma in Clinical Supervision
    • Diploma in Working with Couples
    • Diploma in Executive Coaching
    • Corporate Mental Health Workshops
    • Testimonials for the Foundation Certificate
    • Testimonials for the Diplomas
  • PRIVATE PRACTICE
    • Private Practice
    • Hire A Room
    • Wimpole Street Practice
    • Join TAC Directory
    • Therapist Testimonials
  • BLOG
  • WORK AT TAC
  • COUNSELLING PLACEMENT
    • Counselling Placement
    • Counselling Placement Testimonials
    • Placement Training Testimonials
  • CONTACT
    • Appointment Request
    • Contact Us
Are you a perfectionist?

Are you a Perfectionist?

And, if you are, what is the problem with that? You might think that being a perfectionist is a good thing because it gets you closer to reaching your goals and being flawless, but actually your quest for ‘perfect’ can cut you off from a lot of really good things and lead you into depression and anxiety.

If you feel a need for everything you do to be done perfectly, are a hard taskmaster who refuses to accept anything less than ‘perfect’, and at times do this to the detriment of your own health and wellbeing then you are a perfectionist. In psychological terms, perfectionism is a personality trait characterised by a constant striving to reach the highest of standards and for faultless behaviour. This is accompanied by a very harsh, critical view of yourself and heightened concern about the evaluations others might be making of you, even an expectation of criticism from yourself or others.

Twelve signs that you are a perfectionist:

  • You have a very low tolerance for mistakes. If you see something wrong, you will be the first to jump on it and correct it.
  • Everything has to be done a certain way, you feel very uncomfortable if things are done differently or ‘imperfectly’ and your family, friends and colleagues can be puzzled by how very specific you are about how tasks need to be completed.
  • You are very ‘all-or-nothing’: if you cannot do it well you don’t want to do it at all.
  • No matter how much time, effort, imagination or skill has gone into something if the end result isn’t exactly what you wanted you feel that it, and you, have been damaged or destroyed and you cannot see any value in the work done.
  • You are extremely hard on yourself, quick to beat yourself up and even the tiniest mistake can make you feel extremely bad about yourself for a very long time.
  • If a goal is not reached you become depressed, and the self-punishing, self-blaming ‘what if’ thoughts churn around.
  • You set your sights very high even though the targets you set yourself cause you a lot of stress.
  • The stress and difficulty around constantly having to reach your high standards lead you to procrastinate out of fear that you can’t reach these standards.
  • Success in reaching one of these goals does not provide relief or release or joy because there’s always something else to be done and your internal taskmaster selects another height or an even bigger goal to aim for.
  • You wait for the ‘right moment’ or the correct conditions in which to do things, but it never seems the right time and procrastination becomes the norm. Again this ramps up your stress and anxiety because you are not doing what you ‘should’ be doing.
  • It feels as though you are constantly picking up on errors in things when others are more relaxed about them or don’t see them.
  • This attention to detail and aiming for ‘perfection’ can lead to you sacrifice social and leisure commitments, ‘me time’ and even the time you could be sleeping.

Why are you a perfectionist?

We all grow up in an environment where success is celebrated and mediocrity or failure is frowned upon or punished. In the face of parents, family members, teachers or others who reward success and punish or shame you for non-conformance or lack of effort, we learn to take in these values and drive ourselves, and judge ourselves, in the same way. As a result our lives become an endless report card of accomplishments. All the effort that goes in to avoiding failure becomes exhausting and means that you can never, or seldom, be your spontaneous, natural self so there is no respite and your general wellbeing starts to suffer.

How can you tackle your perfectionism?

You need to almost rewire your brain so that you can tackle both the internal taskmaster that keeps you aiming for ‘perfect’ and the harsh critical voice that comes in to attack you if you don’t ‘get things right’. For example start thinking:

If you make a mistake, get something wrong or things don’t go perfectly this does not make you a failure it just means something went slightly awry. Most mistakes are small and of very little consequence in the general scheme of things.

Aiming for a good result, doing your best at something, rather than for grade A perfection does not make you a failure, and it might even free you up to achieve more and enjoy doing it.

Beating yourself up about things you feel you should have done or ought to have got right is a waste of energy. It would be so much better to give yourself the space to think about what you did, learn from any mistakes and move on.

Be realistic and recognise that sometimes, however much you should or ought to achieve something, it might not be the right thing for you at this moment in time. So, be honest and eliminate the tasks you don’t really want to do.

Recognise your inner taskmaster and the harsh punishing voice when they start up and try to take them on a little — they don’t always know best, and if you can give yourself the time and space to think about the kind of person you really want to be, rather than ought to be, then you have a much better chance of getting there.

I am aware that the above list looks very simple, but that it will not be so easy to achieve. Our counsellors and psychotherapists report that they often tell their clients: “You have had these thoughts and have been thinking this way for a very long time, so it can take some time to modify and change that way of thinking.”

If you feel you need to talk to a qualified professional in a safe, non-judgmental environment, call 020 8673 4545 or email [email protected] and the Front of House team will book an appointment with one of our therapists. We have centres in Clapham and Tooting.

Bridget Freer
Bridget Freer first trained as a print journalist and worked for many years as a freelance features writer for publications including The Sunday Times, The Times, The Observer, The Telegraph, Hello, People, Rolling Stone, Marie Claire and Psychologies. She is also the author of several books on careers and travel. Bridget is a qualified psychotherapist with an MsC in psychodynamic psychotherapy from Birkbeck, University of London.
Mum, Her Mental Health And Me
How To Build Your Self-Esteem

Related Posts

Four Ways To Be Kinder To Yourself

Four Ways To Be Kinder To Yourself

Can finding a sense of purpose ease your depression?

Can Finding A Sense Of Purpose Ease Your Depression?

Ecopsychology: How Being In Nature Can Support Your Mental Health

Ecopsychology: How Being In Nature Can Support Your Mental Health

Couples: The Importance Of Emotional Validation

Couples: The Importance Of Emotional Validation

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill out this field
Fill out this field
Please enter a valid email address.

Subscribe to our newsletter



    Please add me to the list

    Categories

    • Abortion
    • Abuse
    • Acute Stress Disorder
    • Addiction
    • ADHD
    • Agoraphobia
    • Alcoholism
    • Anger Management
    • Anxiety
    • Ask Michaela
    • Attachment
    • Bereavement & Loss
    • Bipolar
    • Borderline Personality Disorder
    • Bullying
    • Children and Adolescents
    • Co-Dependency
    • Coaching
    • Coronavirus
    • Counselling
    • Counselling Placements
    • Couples
    • Dementia
    • Depression
    • Divorce
    • Domestic Violence
    • Dreams
    • Eating Disorders
    • Echoism
    • Ecopsychology
    • Empty Nest Syndrome
    • Family
    • Guilt
    • Health
    • Imposter Syndrome
    • Infertility
    • Insomnia
    • LGBTQ
    • Life Stories
    • Loneliness
    • Masochism
    • Meditation
    • Menopause
    • Mental Health
    • Mindfulness
    • Narcissism
    • News
    • OCD
    • Panic Attacks
    • Parenting
    • Personal Development
    • Personality Disorders
    • Porn
    • Postnatal Depression
    • Pregnancy
    • Psychology
    • Psychosexual
    • Psychotherapy
    • PTSD
    • Relationships
    • Sadness
    • Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
    • Self Esteem
    • Self-Care
    • Self-Harm
    • Sex
    • Sexual Harassment
    • Sleep
    • Social Anxiety Disorder
    • Stress
    • Suicide
    • The Awareness Centre
    • Therapy
    • Training School
    • Trauma
    • Uncategorized
    • Workplace Issues

    TAC Brochure

    DOWNLOAD

    TAC has BACP Membership

    TAC Clapham

    41 Abbeville Road
    London SW4 9JX
    [email protected]
    020 8673 4545

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Low Cost Therapy
    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Monday – Thursday:
    7.00am – 10.00pm

    Friday:
    7.00am – 9.00pm

    Saturday:
    9.00am – 5.30pm

    Sunday:
    10.00am – 2.00pm

    TAC Tooting

    74-80 Upper Tooting Road
    London SW17 7PB
    [email protected]
    020 8673 4545

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Monday – Thursday:
    7.00am – 10.00pm

    Friday:
    7.00am – 9.00pm

    Saturday:
    9.00am – 5.30pm

    TAC Marylebone

    85 Wimpole Street
    London W1G 9RJ
    [email protected]
    020 8079 0708

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Tuesday and Thursday:
    8.00am – 12.00pm

    Email
    Facebook
    Twitter
    LinkedIn
    YouTube
    Instagram
    Pinterest

    © 2023 The Awareness Centre Ltd.

    • OUR THERAPISTS
    • TYPES OF ISSUES
    • OUR LANGUAGES
    • FAQS
    • HOW TO FIND US

    The Awareness Centre Limited. A company registered in England and Wales, Number: 06194423. Registered Office: 74-80 Upper Tooting Road, London, England, SW17 7PB.  Trading as The Awareness Centre.

    This site uses cookies and data collection for personalised advertising. Your data may be shared with third parties for this purpose. Learn more about how we collect data and use cookies, and check that you consent. Manage PreferencesI Consent Learn more
    Privacy & Cookies Policy

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
    Non-necessary
    Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
    SAVE & ACCEPT