THERAPY SERVICESTRAINING SCHOOL
LOCATIONS
TOOTINGCLAPHAMMARYLEBONE
CALL 020 8673 4545BOOK AN APPOINTMENT
Product has been added to your basket.
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • THE AWARENESS CENTRE
      • About The Awareness Centre
      • The Team
      • Centre News
      • Media
      • Collaborative Partners & External Agencies
    • OUR PRACTICES
      • TAC Clapham
      • TAC Tooting
      • TAC Marylebone
      • How to Find Us
    • THE DIRECTOR
      • Michaela McCarthy
  • THERAPY SERVICES
    • NHS THERAPY SERVICES
      • NHS Lambeth
      • NHS Wandsworth
      • NHS Sutton
      • Our NHS Therapists
      • NHS Multilingual Counselling
    • PRIVATE THERAPY SERVICES
      • Online Counselling & Telephone Therapy
      • Low Cost Counselling, Psychotherapy & Counselling Psychology
      • Counselling
      • Psychotherapy
      • Psychology
      • Our Low Cost Therapists
      • Our Private Therapists
      • Private Healthcare Providers
    • SPECIALIST THERAPY SERVICES
      • Addiction Counselling
      • Anger Management Therapy
      • Bereavement Counselling
      • Child & Adolescent Counselling
      • Couples Counselling
      • Eating Disorders Therapy
      • Family Therapy
      • LGBTQ+ Counselling
      • Multilingual Counselling
      • Sex & Relationship Therapy
      • Trauma Counselling & Psychotherapy
    • FURTHER INFORMATION
      • Types of Issues
        • Abuse
        • Addiction
        • ADHD
        • Anger
        • Anxiety Disorders
        • Asperger’s Syndrome
        • Attachment Disorder
        • Bereavement and Loss
        • Body Dysmorphic Disorder
        • Bullying
        • Cancer
        • Carer Support
        • Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
        • Communication
        • Dementia
        • Depression
        • Disability
        • Dissociation
        • Eating Disorders
        • Family and Relationships
        • Gender & Identity
        • Guilt and Shame
        • Hearing Voices
        • HIV/AIDS
        • Illness
        • Infertility
        • Isolation & Loneliness
        • Learning Difficulties
        • Life Transitions
        • Low Self-Esteem
        • Mental Health
        • Paranoia
        • Passive Aggressive Behaviour
        • Personality Disorders
        • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
        • Pregnancy & Childbirth
        • Psychosis
        • Rape
        • Redundancy
        • Schizophrenia
        • Self-Harm
        • Sex and Relationships
        • Sexuality
        • Spirituality
        • Stress
        • Suicidal Thoughts
        • Tourette’s Syndrome
        • Trauma (Child & Adult)
        • Trichotillomania
        • Workplace Issues
      • Frequently Asked Questions
      • Resources
      • Approaches to Therapy
      • Client Testimonials
      • Book an Appointment
  • FEES
  • TAC TRAINING SCHOOL
    • Meet the Faculty
    • Foundation Certificate in Counselling
    • Diploma in Integrative Counselling
    • Diploma in Clinical Supervision
    • Diploma in Working with Couples
    • Diploma in Executive Coaching
    • Corporate Mental Health Workshops
    • Testimonials for the Foundation Certificate
    • Testimonials for the Diplomas
  • PRIVATE PRACTICE
    • Private Practice
    • Hire A Room
    • Wimpole Street Practice
    • Join TAC Directory
    • Therapist Testimonials
  • BLOG
  • WORK AT TAC
  • COUNSELLING PLACEMENT
    • Counselling Placement
    • Counselling Placement Testimonials
    • Placement Training Testimonials
  • CONTACT
    • Appointment Request
    • Contact Us
A fairytale within

A Fairytale Within

When I think of myself as a holistic adult in the world, I can recognise both my ‘adult’ side: a person that can be serious and mature, sometimes pensive; but also, a more youthful, fun and lively part – my inner big kid. And I think it is this latter part that makes me love children so much. Not being fortunate enough to be a parent yet, I very much enjoy spoiling and spending time with my family and friend’s children. So, I am known as ‘Auntie Caz’ to 6 kids, and, of course one of the best things about being an Auntie is having a good excuse to visit fun places as an adult!

So the other week, I took my 5 year old niece, Lucy, to Legoland. Now she is pretty lucky to be one of those children who is able to revel in her imagination, so when she goes to these places, she gets well and truly stuck in. One ride, was a fairytale boat trip (think It’s a small World on a smaller scale with a less catchy song), so on this, as went around, I had the benefit of her running commentary on the many stories encapsulated such as Billy Goats Gruff, Hansel & Gretal  etc… Like any child she gets whisked off into a land of dreams and fantasy.

I can remember the importance of this as a child. I grew up surrounded by books, and loved watching films like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and Bedknobs and Broomsticks over and over again. In fact, I still find inspiration in these things – I even have a place that I go to sit and think in that I call ‘Cherry tree lane’ because it reminds me of the road in Mary Poppins. Inspiration comes in weird and wonderful places!

In Mythography and Psychology, writers such as Carl Jung and Bruno Bettleheim have conducted studies into fairytales and their underlying meanings.  I am not going to focus too much on in-depth analysis, but rather on the collected literary themes that appear in most childhood stories (including, but not exclusive to fairytales). By this I mean a created world where anything seems possible, dreams come true and just for a moment, we as the reader, can be, or identify with, the main protagonist in the story.

What this produces is, for many children, a hopeful innocence, where the world of imagination has a place, and hopes and dreams can exist – if even, in their heads. Even those children who  have had difficult lives, or cruelly have their innocence taken away (by whatever manifestation), a breakaway from reality, as difficult as it might be, can be at times a lifesaver….. hence why many children have imaginary friends, or secret worlds in their minds.

So I was asking myself how, a healthy balance of imagination and belief and hope in dreams, can be achieved in adulthood, without living outside of the realms of reality (because of course, for adults, we have to live in the ‘real’ world)?

I have clients who sit in front of me, and seemed to have lost all hope. The fairytales they longed for have yet to transpire, or they feel like they will never ever come true. Some find themselves grasping onto things that are not right for them, just to fill the empty void inside.

Let me take something like a relationship break-up. This often brings people into counselling – being broken hearted is about as painful as it gets. I once worked with a lady whose husband cheated on her, and when she found out, her whole world was thrown into the air. She told me he was her world, and how they had had this fairy-tale wedding, which: “clearly to him, meant nothing”. In fact, as we worked together it became apparent that the marriage had been anything but perfect, but at the beginning of our work, in her mind, her dream marriage was over, and she would never trust or know love again. Amongst the pain of loss and unhappiness, it sure can be hard to have your dreams taken away. It can be even harder to imagine that there might be a better dream out there for you, and that as time goes by, change, and understanding of oneself at any moment in time can keep that hope going in life. Sometimes, it can be even the smallest things that are meaningful, but while we grip onto the ‘idea’ of the perfect fairytale life, we often miss them.

One of the first things I wonder about people I am sitting opposite is who they really are? Sometimes, I hear a lot of words, and if the words I hear, and the energy I feel between us, do not match up, then I wonder, does this person know who they really are? If not, how can they pin their hopes and dreams to things and want to achieve it when that may not fit with them? I think counsellors who are really in touch with themselves in their work, can learn a lot about their clients through intuitive response. My supervisor often says that sometimes clients or people in general, find it hard to ‘think’ for themselves – I agree with this, but what I would add is that some people don’t feel themselves, and then…. think and process. The ‘shoulds’ and the ‘must nots’ get in the way: in the psychological world, we call these rules/schemas/beliefs. The power of these can often lead the head to runs away with itself and the thoughts to rule the feelings. The real person is pushed down, and sometimes a ‘false self’ emerges leading the person to believe that they must follow the ‘rules’ according to the beliefs they hold about themselves (even if these are outdated).

Imagine we took the fairytale story of The 3 little pigs, and 1 of those pigs from it decided s/he wanted to instead play the role of Little Red Riding Hood. The reason the pig gives for this is because it is “a better story” and because more people like it (in the pig’s mind). Well of course the wolf would still do the chasing (liking pigs and little girls equally as much), but, it is plainly ridiculous to think of the squealing, yet clever pigs becoming the beautiful, yet naive Red Riding Hood. And come on, the red coat on the pig?! This just would not do! We all have our roles in our lives, and the reality is, that we all have the capacity for our very own fairytale within ourselves – not, a pre-determined one. This was further cemented in my mind when I visited the Olympic park the other week. I saw a lot of very over-excited kids in awe of the Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt. Of course he has an amazing talent, but what is perhaps most important about him is that he uses it to inspire, so kids love him and want to be him! But, not every one of those children is going to be the next Usain Bolt (although it would be good for British sport if we could have at least one!); however it is important to remember that the inspiration behind him does not count for nothing.  Inspiration can touch us, and when used in the right way, a combination of ambition, imagination and patience can help us dig deep into our own hearts and find our own dreams for that moment in time.

Every once in a while, we find in our reality that somehow something has happened, and suddenly the inspiration or the dream we had wondered about of all our lives may suddenly be coming true, even when we least expected it. And if it is even better or even incomparable to the hopes we have long held onto, then it is probably more likely to be our very own fairytale. That makes it more special. Without even dreaming it, you become that protagonist who becomes ready to inspire others with their own story.

Before I finish, I think there is something also to say too for those small things that fill our lives every day. These can often be the most grounding for us, and yet produce the same ‘happiness’ as the fantasies. True, they may not possess the excitement of being a hero slay a dragon (whatever the modern day equivalent of that is), or the beautiful heroine finding true love, but they matter. This can be anything that means something to us, or connects us with who we really are and makes us feel like we ‘are okay’. Sometimes, it is a hobby such as a sport, art, cooking, going to the cinema…Sometimes an everyday activity that we connect with; I like feeling connected with nature so a walk on Clapham common, or even spending time with my budgies keeps happy!

Appreciating these small things can be hard especially in the midst of a tragedy or in the face of adversity, but finding what grounds us and what reminds us of us, is paramount. In the same way, the dreams and hopes of the child in us can stay alive forever, and somewhere outside of all those adult responsibilities, and ‘serious life’, there is a place for this. It is like a little light inside of us that never has to completely burn out. Yes, it flickers, yes it gets blown so hard it is almost extinguished, but for those of us who are alive and living in the world, then even in the most difficult and  terrible times, that unique flame inside you holds a place in the world.

So whether it is a big, amazing ‘fairytale’ like happening or a relatively small constant within your life, exploration, understanding, and acceptance of ourselves (inner child and adult) is a good place to be. As the ancient Chinese Philosopher Chuang Tzu (369-286 BC)said:

The realisation of one’s true nature is happiness. And when one reaches happiness, one is close to perfection.

(Interesting that in those days, the word ‘perfection’, had a very different connotation).

So,  go out, stay true and keep an open heart on your hopes and dreams, wait for your moment to be in the spotlight…. and in the meantime, take stock of what you have and appreciate and love it – it may mean more than you think.

Caz Binstead
Caz Binstead is a qualified counsellor and a member of the BACP. She works as an integrated practitioner in private practice in Clapham, London SW4.
Life Is What Happens When You’re Busy Making Other Plans…
NHS counselling contract for The Awareness Centre

Related Posts

Facing the new year

Facing the New Year

Our New Baby Means We Have No Time To Be A Couple

Our New Baby Means We Have No Time To Be A Couple

The Impact of Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent

The Impact of Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent

How to Become a Counsellor Without Going to University

1 Comment. Leave new

  • lesley cook
    August 25, 2013 7:35 am

    Caz just wanted to say I love this ” a fairytale within ” enjoyed it so much ! Lesleyx

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill out this field
Fill out this field
Please enter a valid email address.

Subscribe to our newsletter



    Please add me to the list

    Categories

    • Abortion
    • Abuse
    • Acute Stress Disorder
    • Addiction
    • ADHD
    • Agoraphobia
    • Alcoholism
    • Anger Management
    • Anxiety
    • Ask Michaela
    • Attachment
    • Bereavement & Loss
    • Bipolar
    • Borderline Personality Disorder
    • Bullying
    • Children and Adolescents
    • Co-Dependency
    • Coaching
    • Coronavirus
    • Counselling
    • Counselling Placements
    • Couples
    • Dementia
    • Depression
    • Divorce
    • Domestic Violence
    • Dreams
    • Eating Disorders
    • Echoism
    • Ecopsychology
    • Empty Nest Syndrome
    • Family
    • Guilt
    • Health
    • Imposter Syndrome
    • Infertility
    • Insomnia
    • LGBTQ
    • Life Stories
    • Loneliness
    • Masochism
    • Meditation
    • Menopause
    • Mental Health
    • Mindfulness
    • Narcissism
    • News
    • OCD
    • Panic Attacks
    • Parenting
    • Personal Development
    • Personality Disorders
    • Porn
    • Postnatal Depression
    • Pregnancy
    • Psychology
    • Psychosexual
    • Psychotherapy
    • PTSD
    • Relationships
    • Sadness
    • Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
    • Self Esteem
    • Self-Care
    • Self-Harm
    • Sex
    • Sexual Harassment
    • Sleep
    • Social Anxiety Disorder
    • Stress
    • Suicide
    • The Awareness Centre
    • Therapy
    • Training School
    • Trauma
    • Uncategorized
    • Workplace Issues

    TAC Brochure

    DOWNLOAD

    TAC has BACP Membership

    TAC Clapham

    41 Abbeville Road
    London SW4 9JX
    [email protected]
    020 8673 4545

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Low Cost Therapy
    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Monday – Thursday:
    7.00am – 10.00pm

    Friday:
    7.00am – 9.00pm

    Saturday:
    9.00am – 5.30pm

    Sunday:
    10.00am – 2.00pm

    TAC Tooting

    74-80 Upper Tooting Road
    London SW17 7PB
    [email protected]
    020 8673 4545

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Monday – Thursday:
    7.00am – 10.00pm

    Friday:
    7.00am – 9.00pm

    Saturday:
    9.00am – 5.30pm

    TAC Marylebone

    85 Wimpole Street
    London W1G 9RJ
    [email protected]
    020 8079 0708

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Tuesday and Thursday:
    8.00am – 12.00pm

    Email
    Facebook
    Twitter
    LinkedIn
    YouTube
    Instagram
    Pinterest

    © 2023 The Awareness Centre Ltd.

    • OUR THERAPISTS
    • TYPES OF ISSUES
    • OUR LANGUAGES
    • FAQS
    • HOW TO FIND US

    The Awareness Centre Limited. A company registered in England and Wales, Number: 06194423. Registered Office: 74-80 Upper Tooting Road, London, England, SW17 7PB.  Trading as The Awareness Centre.

    This site uses cookies and data collection for personalised advertising. Your data may be shared with third parties for this purpose. Learn more about how we collect data and use cookies, and check that you consent. Manage PreferencesI Consent Learn more
    Privacy & Cookies Policy

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
    Non-necessary
    Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
    SAVE & ACCEPT