THERAPY SERVICESTRAINING SCHOOL
LOCATIONS
TOOTINGCLAPHAMMARYLEBONE
CALL US TODAY 020 8673 4545[email protected]
Product has been added to your basket.
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • THE AWARENESS CENTRE
      • About The Awareness Centre
      • The Team
      • Centre News
      • Media
      • Collaborative Partners & External Agencies
    • OUR PRACTICES
      • TAC Clapham
      • TAC Tooting
      • TAC Marylebone
      • How to Find Us
    • THE DIRECTOR
      • Michaela McCarthy
  • THERAPY SERVICES
    • NHS THERAPY SERVICES
      • NHS Lambeth
      • NHS Wandsworth
      • NHS Sutton
      • Our NHS Therapists
      • NHS Multilingual Counselling
    • PRIVATE THERAPY SERVICES
      • Online Counselling & Telephone Therapy
      • Low Cost Counselling, Psychotherapy & Counselling Psychology
      • Counselling
      • Psychotherapy
      • Psychology
      • Our Low Cost Therapists
      • Our Private Therapists
      • Private Healthcare Providers
    • SPECIALIST THERAPY SERVICES
      • Addiction Counselling
      • Anger Management Therapy
      • Bereavement Counselling
      • Child & Adolescent Counselling
      • Couples Counselling
      • Eating Disorders Therapy
      • Family Therapy
      • LGBTQ+ Counselling
      • Multilingual Counselling
      • Sex & Relationship Therapy
      • Trauma Counselling & Psychotherapy
    • FURTHER INFORMATION
      • Types of Issues
        • Abuse
        • Addiction
        • ADHD
        • Anger
        • Anxiety Disorders
        • Asperger’s Syndrome
        • Attachment Disorder
        • Bereavement and Loss
        • Body Dysmorphic Disorder
        • Bullying
        • Cancer
        • Carer Support
        • Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
        • Communication
        • Dementia
        • Depression
        • Disability
        • Dissociation
        • Eating Disorders
        • Family and Relationships
        • Gender & Identity
        • Guilt and Shame
        • Hearing Voices
        • HIV/AIDS
        • Illness
        • Infertility
        • Isolation & Loneliness
        • Learning Difficulties
        • Life Transitions
        • Low Self-Esteem
        • Mental Health
        • Paranoia
        • Passive Aggressive Behaviour
        • Personality Disorders
        • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
        • Pregnancy & Childbirth
        • Psychosis
        • Rape
        • Redundancy
        • Schizophrenia
        • Self-Harm
        • Sex and Relationships
        • Sexuality
        • Spirituality
        • Stress
        • Suicidal Thoughts
        • Tourette’s Syndrome
        • Trauma (Child & Adult)
        • Trichotillomania
        • Workplace Issues
      • Frequently Asked Questions
      • Resources
      • Approaches to Therapy
      • Client Testimonials
      • Book an Appointment
  • FEES
  • TAC TRAINING SCHOOL
    • Meet the Faculty
    • Foundation Certificate in Counselling
    • Diploma in Integrative Counselling
    • Diploma in Clinical Supervision
    • Diploma in Working with Couples
    • Diploma in Executive Coaching
    • Corporate Mental Health Workshops
    • Testimonials for the Foundation Certificate
    • Testimonials for the Diplomas
  • PRIVATE PRACTICE
    • Private Practice
    • Hire A Room
    • Wimpole Street Practice
    • Join TAC Directory
    • Therapist Testimonials
  • BLOG
  • WORK AT TAC
  • COUNSELLING PLACEMENT
    • Counselling Placement
    • Counselling Placement Testimonials
    • Placement Training Testimonials
  • CONTACT
    • Appointment Request
    • Contact Us
Love me Tinder

Love Me Tinder

Swipe left or swipe right? Modern dating sites and apps are transforming our approach to relationships but do they spell the death of romance or is it still possible to find love in the time of Tinder?

 

According to recent research dating apps are responsible for 14 per cent of current relationships. An astonishing 55 per cent of British people say they use them, which means almost 17 million singletons in Britain are using smart-phones apps to find love. This incredibly rapid rise of smart-phone dating culture, with its emphasis on carefully chosen pictures and heavily edited profiles, has been taken to show that we have become obsessed with surface qualities and instant gratification. But does the use of Tinder, etc. come at the expense of true love?

It is undeniable that being asked to make snap judgements about people’s profile pictures and swiping through hundreds of photos in a short space of time can begin to dehumanise the process of seeking a partner. The danger is that we will stop seeing each other as fully rounded human beings deserving of our consideration, care and kindness and think of them as a hot-or-not rating from one to 10.

Also there is a risk that in portraying ourselves in highly curated ways, we then have to live up to the illusions we create. We have to ‘act’ this perfect partner self and spontaneity and authenticity can get lost in the process.

Tinder and co also put you on the receiving end of rejection — dates get cancelled at the last minute, people who seemed keen at the outset don’t show up and disappear off the face of the earth.  Our relationship counsellors report that all this disappointment takes its toll on their clients. It can be painful and leaves people feeling cynical and despairing of the whole process of looking for a partner.

Then there is the common perception that dating apps are all about casual sex and hook-ups rather than lasting love. Critics say Tinder is a great way to get a one-night stand, but not so great if you are looking for something more serious and lasting.

Research seems to show that the only benefit of technology driven dating methods is that they give more choice and open up new opportunities that wouldn’t have existed without dating apps and websites. However more recent psychological studies show that Tinder, with its invitation to speedy and superficial judgements, actually leads to more lasting relationships than online dating sites that use compatability algorhythms to help you find a partner. So it looks like superficiality can actually be an asset.

Tinder is a digital version of speed dating. It expands your dating pool, and speeds up the process of meeting someone. And, in a way, this takes dating back to the pre-Internet era, to a time when people met their potential partners in bars or at parties and had to quickly form a sense of whether there was any chance of romantic compatibility developing.

For most Tinder users it is not a question of either/or — either I will have a one-night stand or I will find a serious relationship. In general they just want to be out there meeting people, feeling attraction and working out what they want from each encounter. And the best way to begin all of that is with the ‘reality swipe’ — the sort of quick assessment of whether there is any rapport and chemistry you get when you first meet someone in person.

Smartphone-based dating does emphasise physical appearance, but we have always made judgements based on that to an extent. And for singles who want to find a life partner and be out having fun and meeting lots of people in the meantime, a dating app is not a bad option.

The Six Essential Skills You Need To Navigate Today’s Technologically Driven Dating World

1. Be realistic, think short-term

Deciding whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone is not the work of days or weeks. Instead of thinking on your first date, ‘is this someone I will reach my silver anniversary with?’ take things as they go. Training yourself to think ‘do I want to see you next week?’ rather than ‘are you the one?’ takes the stress out considerably. It is only a minor shift in attitude and will help you open up to whether connection is developing.

2. Sit with uncertainty

The uncertainty of not knowing whether you want a long-term relationship with someone you have met can be agonising, but don’t let that make you move on. The fact that there are scores more people to look at on your phone doesn’t mean you should look at them all; work out what is going on with this person in the here and now. Get familiar with those feelings of anxiety and discomfort: how do they feel in your body?  Sit with the feelings rather than moving on or brushing them aside. This will help build your tolerance for uncertainty, allowing your potential new relationship time to progress naturally.

3. Forget the three-date rule

Many people follow the unwritten rule that if you get to the third date and chemistry hasn’t set you ablaze, you should move on. This is an unrealistic, unhelpful and unfair expectation. The only thing you should reasonably expect after three dates is: do you want a fourth?

4. There’s no hurry

Many counselling clients with relationship issues have a real, and understandable, fear of being alone. This can cause them to rush in where fools fear to tread as the saying goes. However all relationships have their own unique speed, and you have to find that pace and work with it. If you try to rush the other person, you could unconsciously create pressure on them and inadvertently push them away. Take a deep breath, manage your anxiety and slow yourself down.

5.  Being Present is the best present.

The key to being liked is liking the other person. If you show an interest in and curiosity about your date this will not only give you the information you need to decide if you want to get to know them better, it also keeps you present and prevents your past experience from influencing your behaviour and view of how things will go with this new date.

6. Practice makes perfect

It’s easy to feel burnt out by all this dating activity. But do not give up. It can take time to develop these skills, so don’t criticise yourself for not having them all already. Nobody was born knowing all this stuff, we are all works in progress learning as we go. Keep practising and you will get there.

If you would like to work on your relationship issues, we have a team of counsellors who will be able to help. Call 020 8673 4545 or email [email protected] for a confidential appointment.

Bridget Freer
Bridget Freer first trained as a print journalist and worked for many years as a freelance features writer for publications including The Sunday Times, The Times, The Observer, The Telegraph, Hello, People, Rolling Stone, Marie Claire and Psychologies. She is also the author of several books on careers and travel. Bridget is a qualified psychotherapist with an MsC in psychodynamic psychotherapy from Birkbeck, University of London.
Six Habits of Happy Couples
Seven Strategies To Stop Overthinking

Related Posts

Three Valentine’s Day behaviours to nurture your relationship all year

Three Valentine’s Day behaviours to nurture your relationship all year

Four ways therapy can move your life forward

Four ways therapy can move your life forward

Couples: The Importance Of Emotional Validation

Couples: The Importance Of Emotional Validation

Being In Therapy: The Power Of Telling Your Story

Being In Therapy: The Power Of Telling Your Story

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill out this field
Fill out this field
Please enter a valid email address.

Subscribe to our newsletter



    Please add me to the list

    Categories

    • Abortion
    • Abuse
    • Acute Stress Disorder
    • Addiction
    • ADHD
    • Agoraphobia
    • Alcoholism
    • Anger Management
    • Anxiety
    • Ask Michaela
    • Attachment
    • Bereavement & Loss
    • Bipolar
    • Borderline Personality Disorder
    • Bullying
    • Children and Adolescents
    • Co-Dependency
    • Coaching
    • Coronavirus
    • Counselling
    • Counselling Placements
    • Couples
    • Dementia
    • Depression
    • Divorce
    • Domestic Violence
    • Dreams
    • Eating Disorders
    • Echoism
    • Ecopsychology
    • Empty Nest Syndrome
    • Family
    • Guilt
    • Health
    • Imposter Syndrome
    • Infertility
    • Insomnia
    • LGBTQ
    • Life Stories
    • Loneliness
    • Masochism
    • Meditation
    • Menopause
    • Mental Health
    • Mindfulness
    • Narcissism
    • News
    • OCD
    • Panic Attacks
    • Parenting
    • Personal Development
    • Personality Disorders
    • Porn
    • Postnatal Depression
    • Pregnancy
    • Psychology
    • Psychosexual
    • Psychotherapy
    • PTSD
    • Relationships
    • Sadness
    • Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
    • Self Esteem
    • Self-Care
    • Self-Harm
    • Sex
    • Sexual Harassment
    • Sleep
    • Social Anxiety Disorder
    • Stress
    • Suicide
    • The Awareness Centre
    • Therapy
    • Training School
    • Trauma
    • Uncategorized
    • Workplace Issues

    TAC Brochure

    DOWNLOAD

    TAC has BACP Membership

    TAC Clapham

    41 Abbeville Road
    London SW4 9JX
    [email protected]
    020 8673 4545

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Low Cost Therapy
    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Monday – Thursday:
    7.00am – 10.00pm

    Friday:
    7.00am – 9.00pm

    Saturday:
    9.00am – 5.30pm

    Sunday:
    10.00am – 2.00pm

    TAC Tooting

    74-80 Upper Tooting Road
    London SW17 7PB
    [email protected]
    020 8673 4545

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Monday – Thursday:
    7.00am – 10.00pm

    Friday:
    7.00am – 5.30pm

    Saturday:
    9.00am – 5.30pm

    TAC Marylebone

    85 Wimpole Street
    London W1G 9RJ
    [email protected]
    020 8079 0708

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Tuesday and Thursday:
    8.00am – 12.00pm

    Email
    Facebook
    Twitter
    LinkedIn
    YouTube
    Instagram
    Pinterest

    © 2023 The Awareness Centre Ltd.

    • DISCLAIMER
    • PRIVACY POLICY
    • COOKIE POLICY
    • TAC POLICIES
    • TERMS

    The Awareness Centre Limited. A company registered in England and Wales, Number: 06194423. Registered Office: 74-80 Upper Tooting Road, London, England, SW17 7PB.  Trading as The Awareness Centre.

    This site uses cookies and data collection for personalised advertising. Your data may be shared with third parties for this purpose. Learn more about how we collect data and use cookies, and check that you consent. Manage PreferencesI Consent Learn more
    Privacy & Cookies Policy

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
    Non-necessary
    Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
    SAVE & ACCEPT