People go through breakups all the time, but some will struggle more than others when it comes to finding their feet again without a partner by their side. Being with somebody can help you to feel confident and grounded, so naturally when this is taken away, it’s easy to feel lost, lonely and helpless.
Of course, there will come a time when you feel ready to accept your breakup and move on, but in the meantime, looking after yourself and regaining your confidence as a single person is extremely important. Unfortunately, building self confidence back up again after a breakup can be a huge challenge, no matter how long your previous relationship was for. So, we hope that the following tips can give you some ideas in terms of how you can get started.
1. Allow for your own grief
When attempting to rebuild self confidence after a breakup, a lot of people fall into the trap of assuming that they should not allow themselves to feel down about the event.
An important part of any journey, through any type of grief, is to accept and understand your emotions – whether these are angry, sad or otherwise. You may even feel like you’re falling into a depressive state. However you are feeling, it’s important to remind yourself that it’s okay to feel that way – just try to make sure you are seeking support from loved ones or professionals if you suspect you are developing harmful emotions. There are a range of support groups you can contact to help you understand how you are feeling.
It’s important to remember that as well as mourning the loss of one specific relationship, you are also grieving the loss of the future that you had planned – that’s no small thing. There is no time frame for grieving a relationship. You might grieve for longer after a shorter relationship and vice versa. It doesn’t have to make sense to you, and certainly not to anyone else.
2. Make meaningful connections
When going through a breakup, maintaining connections with others, such as friends and family members, can be extremely helpful. At first you might feel like you need to spend some time alone, but eventually you will benefit from being close with others. Depending on what you need, friends, family and loved ones can help you by providing a welcome distraction from your breakup, or they can help you in accepting and managing your emotions.
Another option is to make new connections with people, by joining a new activity group, for example, or catching up with people you haven’t seen in a while. However you decide to make your connections, try to be open to maintaining a social element in your life after your break up, so that you can avoid feeling lonely and spiraling into negativity. Your confidence will only continue to diminish if you stop yourself from socialising with others.
3. Create challenges for yourself
Once you feel ready to head back out into the world after your breakup, try creating some challenges for yourself that will give you a focus. For example, you could join an exercise group and challenge yourself to attend each weekly session. Alternatively, you could take up a new creative hobby such as painting, or take yourself on a date to the theatre or to a cafe every once in a while. These challenges don’t have to be difficult, they can just be ways for you to encourage yourself to get out, experience the world and be active. You may also find opportunities to meet new people this way. However you decide to challenge yourself, over time this is sure to help you regain that confidence you felt when you were with your partner.
4. Speak to a therapist
Sometimes, words of wisdom from friends and family aren’t quite enough. If you feel like you need more specialised support in building self confidence after your breakup, there are a number of qualified therapists here at The Awareness Centre who can help you do just that. Get in touch and we can help to assign you to a therapist with experience dealing with relationship issues and self confidence.
5. Make a change
Whether it’s your hair colour, wardrobe or bedroom decor, making a small, visual change in your life can help to refocus and re-energise you. It can also play a part in helping you to fall back in love with yourself and spark that self confidence you’ve been missing. Making a change will help to remind you that you are in control of what happens in your life, and that you can manage your own emotions. It may take several attempts to truly believe it, but over time you’ll find that the changes you made following your breakup will have shaped you into a more confident person.
If you’re struggling with a recent breakup and aren’t sure how to rebuild your self confidence, The Awareness Centre can help. We have a number of highly-trained therapists specialising in counselling techniques that can help you get through your challenging emotions and rediscover your confidence. You can find out more about our private therapy services here.