THERAPY SERVICESTRAINING SCHOOL
LOCATIONS
TOOTINGCLAPHAMMARYLEBONE
CALL 020 8673 4545BOOK AN APPOINTMENT
Product has been added to your basket.
  • HOME
  • ABOUT
    • THE AWARENESS CENTRE
      • About The Awareness Centre
      • The Team
      • Centre News
      • Media
      • Collaborative Partners & External Agencies
    • OUR PRACTICES
      • TAC Clapham
      • TAC Tooting
      • TAC Marylebone
      • How to Find Us
    • THE DIRECTOR
      • Michaela McCarthy
  • THERAPY SERVICES
    • NHS THERAPY SERVICES
      • NHS Lambeth
      • NHS Wandsworth
      • NHS Sutton
      • Our NHS Therapists
      • NHS Multilingual Counselling
    • PRIVATE THERAPY SERVICES
      • Online Counselling & Telephone Therapy
      • Low Cost Counselling, Psychotherapy & Counselling Psychology
      • Counselling
      • Psychotherapy
      • Psychology
      • Our Low Cost Therapists
      • Our Private Therapists
      • Private Healthcare Providers
    • SPECIALIST THERAPY SERVICES
      • Addiction Counselling
      • Anger Management Therapy
      • Bereavement Counselling
      • Child & Adolescent Counselling
      • Couples Counselling
      • Eating Disorders Therapy
      • Family Therapy
      • LGBTQ+ Counselling
      • Multilingual Counselling
      • Sex & Relationship Therapy
      • Trauma Counselling & Psychotherapy
    • FURTHER INFORMATION
      • Types of Issues
        • Abuse
        • Addiction
        • ADHD
        • Anger
        • Anxiety Disorders
        • Asperger’s Syndrome
        • Attachment Disorder
        • Bereavement and Loss
        • Body Dysmorphic Disorder
        • Bullying
        • Cancer
        • Carer Support
        • Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
        • Communication
        • Dementia
        • Depression
        • Disability
        • Dissociation
        • Eating Disorders
        • Family and Relationships
        • Gender & Identity
        • Guilt and Shame
        • Hearing Voices
        • HIV/AIDS
        • Illness
        • Infertility
        • Isolation & Loneliness
        • Learning Difficulties
        • Life Transitions
        • Low Self-Esteem
        • Mental Health
        • Paranoia
        • Passive Aggressive Behaviour
        • Personality Disorders
        • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
        • Pregnancy & Childbirth
        • Psychosis
        • Rape
        • Redundancy
        • Schizophrenia
        • Self-Harm
        • Sex and Relationships
        • Sexuality
        • Spirituality
        • Stress
        • Suicidal Thoughts
        • Tourette’s Syndrome
        • Trauma (Child & Adult)
        • Trichotillomania
        • Workplace Issues
      • Frequently Asked Questions
      • Resources
      • Approaches to Therapy
      • Client Testimonials
      • Book an Appointment
  • FEES
  • TAC TRAINING SCHOOL
    • Meet the Faculty
    • Foundation Certificate in Counselling
    • Diploma in Integrative Counselling
    • Diploma in Clinical Supervision
    • Diploma in Working with Couples
    • Diploma in Executive Coaching
    • Corporate Mental Health Workshops
    • Testimonials for the Foundation Certificate
    • Testimonials for the Diplomas
  • PRIVATE PRACTICE
    • Private Practice
    • Hire A Room
    • Wimpole Street Practice
    • Join TAC Directory
    • Therapist Testimonials
  • BLOG
  • WORK AT TAC
  • COUNSELLING PLACEMENT
    • Counselling Placement
    • Counselling Placement Testimonials
    • Placement Training Testimonials
  • CONTACT
    • Appointment Request
    • Contact Us
Cycles Of Domestic Abuse

Cycles Of Domestic Abuse

What is Domestic Abuse?

Legally, there are ten different categories of abuse, including financial abuse, emotional/psychological abuse, modern slavery, neglect, self-neglect, organisational abuse, and domestic abuse.

Women’s Aid defines domestic abuse as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, in the majority of cases by a partner or ex-partner, but also by a family member or carer.

Domestic abuse can include various forms of abuse, including emotional, physical, sexual, and financial. The element that makes it domestic abuse is that it is perpetrated by a partner, ex-partner or family member, rather than a friend, teacher, colleague, manager, or even stranger.

Although there are cases of males being the victims of domestic abuse, and these are being reported more and more, the majority of reported cases are of females being abused by males. According to the Office for National Statistics, an estimated 2 million adults (aged 16-59) experienced domestic abuse in the year ending March 2018.

With domestic abuse, commonly the abuse does not start straight away – it escalates over time. In fact, 30% of domestic violence cases start or escalate during pregnancy, meaning that the relationship has been established prior to this.

Domestic abuse can escalate so slowly and steadily that it is not uncommon for a victim to only realise that they were being emotionally abused until something physical happens. For example, a victim leaving a relationship because they were physically assaulted by their partner might then realise or be told that they had been experiencing emotional abuse all along.

What does a cycle look like?

There are many models showing how domestic abuse can cycle. Here, we are going to focus on Lenore E. Walker’s 1979 social cycle of abuse, which states that there are four stages in a typical cycle.

Stage one is the Honeymoon stage, also known as love bombarding. In this stage of the relationship, everything seems to be fine. The abuser is on their best behaviour and treats their partner/victim really well. They may go out on dates, buy gifts, spend quality time together and so on. If this is not the first time going through this cycle, the victim might be reassured that “things will be different this time”.

Stage two is the Tension Building stage. During this stage, forms of abuse begin to slip in. It might be nasty comments, controlling what the victim wears or who they see, checking their phone or social media, and so on. The victim will start to feel like they are walking on eggshells around the abuser, always concerned about “setting off” their abuser’s bad mood.

The third stage is the Explosive stage. This is when the abuse begins to escalate. Depending on the abuser, this might be increased manipulation and isolation, physical abuse, financial abuse or sexual abuse. At some point during this stage, the victim might leave or escape the relationship.

Finally, there is the Reconciliation stage, also known as the “hoover” stage. This is where the abuser is trying to suck the victim back into the relationship. They might make promises, pour their heart out, even cry – and they can be very convincing. If the victim goes back to the partner, the cycle then begins again, and so a honeymoon stage begins again.

The time spent in each stage will vary from couple to couple, and will also vary depending on how many times the cycle has been repeated. The more the cycle has been repeated, the less time tends to be spent in the reconciliation and honeymoon stages.

There are two main reasons for this; firstly, the abuser learns how to manipulate their partner, and so less effort is needed to pull them back into the relationship. Secondly, the first or even second time that this cycle is repeated, the abuser might be able to actually convince their victim that they are truly a nice person but that they “lost control” or “just loves them so much and got jealous” and so on, but after so many cycles, the mask is off and the abuser doesn’t feel the need to pretend anymore in order to pull their partner back in.

Many people who are in or have been in abusive relationships will look back and remember that there were good days and good memories. They might say “There were good times but unfortunately the bad outweighed the good” or “If only he could have had more good days”. Using the above model, you can see that the ‘good days’ were part of the abuse. They were used to suck the victim back into the relationship, deeper and deeper each time. The good days were not a ray of sunshine in the abuser, they were part of the manipulation.

How to get help?

Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous. Half of all domestic abuse murders occur at the time of leaving the relationship or shortly thereafter.

The first thing to do is to observe and learn. Get to know your abuser’s red flags. What triggers your abuser to lash out? Learn their patterns and routines – when are they out of the house, where do they go and so on.

If you are able to, contact local services for advice, support, and even places to stay. For example, Womensaid is a national domestic abuse helpline (0800 2000 247) which runs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If you are in immediate danger, then call the police as soon as you are able to.

If you feel you need to talk to a qualified professional in a safe, non-judgmental environment, call 020 8673 4545 or email [email protected] and the Front of House team will book an appointment with one of our therapists. We have centres in Clapham and Tooting.

Amy Launder
Amy Launder is a content writer for The Awareness Centre, writing and editing blog posts for our Talking Therapy blog. She enjoys writing and exploring ideas within the mental health and wellness fields that excite and intrigue her. Amy is also a qualified and practising psychotherapist, with an MA in Psychotherapy and Counselling from the University of Leeds.
Five Instant Ways To Soothe Somatic Anxiety
I think I have an eating disorder

Related Posts

Coronavirus and the Rise of Domestic Violence

Coronavirus and the Rise of Domestic Violence

Sexual Violence And Sexual Abuse Awareness Week

Sexual Violence And Sexual Abuse Awareness Week

Emotional abuse

Six Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Fill out this field
Fill out this field
Please enter a valid email address.

Subscribe to our newsletter



    Please add me to the list

    Categories

    • Abortion
    • Abuse
    • Acute Stress Disorder
    • Addiction
    • ADHD
    • Agoraphobia
    • Alcoholism
    • Anger Management
    • Anxiety
    • Ask Michaela
    • Attachment
    • Bereavement & Loss
    • Bipolar
    • Borderline Personality Disorder
    • Bullying
    • Children and Adolescents
    • Co-Dependency
    • Coaching
    • Coronavirus
    • Counselling
    • Counselling Placements
    • Couples
    • Dementia
    • Depression
    • Divorce
    • Domestic Violence
    • Dreams
    • Eating Disorders
    • Echoism
    • Ecopsychology
    • Empty Nest Syndrome
    • Family
    • Guilt
    • Health
    • Imposter Syndrome
    • Infertility
    • Insomnia
    • LGBTQ
    • Life Stories
    • Loneliness
    • Masochism
    • Meditation
    • Menopause
    • Mental Health
    • Mindfulness
    • Narcissism
    • News
    • OCD
    • Panic Attacks
    • Parenting
    • Personal Development
    • Personality Disorders
    • Porn
    • Postnatal Depression
    • Pregnancy
    • Psychology
    • Psychosexual
    • Psychotherapy
    • PTSD
    • Relationships
    • Sadness
    • Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
    • Self Esteem
    • Self-Care
    • Self-Harm
    • Sex
    • Sexual Harassment
    • Sleep
    • Social Anxiety Disorder
    • Stress
    • Suicide
    • The Awareness Centre
    • Therapy
    • Training School
    • Trauma
    • Uncategorized
    • Workplace Issues

    TAC Brochure

    DOWNLOAD

    TAC has BACP Membership

    TAC Clapham

    41 Abbeville Road
    London SW4 9JX
    [email protected]
    020 8673 4545

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Low Cost Therapy
    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Monday – Thursday:
    7.00am – 10.00pm

    Friday:
    7.00am – 9.00pm

    Saturday:
    9.00am – 5.30pm

    Sunday:
    10.00am – 2.00pm

    TAC Tooting

    74-80 Upper Tooting Road
    London SW17 7PB
    [email protected]
    020 8673 4545

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Monday – Thursday:
    7.00am – 10.00pm

    Friday:
    7.00am – 9.00pm

    Saturday:
    9.00am – 5.30pm

    TAC Marylebone

    85 Wimpole Street
    London W1G 9RJ
    [email protected]
    020 8079 0708

    Available Services

    check_circle
    Private Therapy

    Appointments

    Tuesday and Thursday:
    8.00am – 12.00pm

    Email
    Facebook
    Twitter
    LinkedIn
    YouTube
    Instagram
    Pinterest

    © 2023 The Awareness Centre Ltd.

    • OUR THERAPISTS
    • TYPES OF ISSUES
    • OUR LANGUAGES
    • FAQS
    • HOW TO FIND US

    The Awareness Centre Limited. A company registered in England and Wales, Number: 06194423. Registered Office: 74-80 Upper Tooting Road, London, England, SW17 7PB.  Trading as The Awareness Centre.

    This site uses cookies and data collection for personalised advertising. Your data may be shared with third parties for this purpose. Learn more about how we collect data and use cookies, and check that you consent. Manage PreferencesI Consent Learn more
    Privacy & Cookies Policy

    Privacy Overview

    This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
    Necessary
    Always Enabled
    Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
    Non-necessary
    Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
    SAVE & ACCEPT